the Storm

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long shall I have councel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all the day? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, And my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken. But I have trusted in Your loving kindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13

The storm tonight reminded me to write. And to pray. It reminded me of the night of the accident.."when the storm clouds came rolling in wave after wave each displaying their own shade of blue. And the clouds and our eyes both poured out their waters on the day that we heard we lost you.."
Everytime I hear that verse shivers run down my spine. It's been a little over two months since the accident. I'm sure to most of the world things went on, but to us and the Robinson's August 3rd was a sad day. We did normal things but our hearts were elsewhere. I remember the day of the accident like it was yesterday.. I took Schuyler and Sam over to the Robinson's. I left and went straght over to the building to work out and clean up some stuff from the graduation we had 2 days before. I worked out a little, but for some reason my mind was in the clouds. So I went down and started to clean up the kitchen. I remember stopping and looking up at the ceiling like maybe God was right there looking down on me. I stared up there and I whispered.."God remind me how much I need you. Shake me up and turn my world upside down. Give me direction!" I don't know why I prayed that?? But I did. I have actually never told that to anyone I don't think?.. Little did I know that probably not too many moments before God was already answering my prayers. God did not ordain or want this to happen, but it did. And He wants to use it to glorify His name.
My brothers and Tom are healing and moving on with their lives. Sam can actually walk now and he got his cathetor(sp?) out. Their scars and hurts are healing! Praise God. But the memory of that day will never go away. We have pictures that an EMT took of the scene of the wreck and they actually have shots of Schuyler being put into the helicopter. I saw that helicopter fly over the building that day. At the time I didn't know my little brother was in it.. :( I drove home right after that. By that time I was balling cause even though it wasn't confirmed I knew it was the boys. I woke Seth up. We got dressed and Seth made some phone calls. We finally heard that it was our brothers and we sped out the door and drove ungodly speeds to Carle. All I can remember from that drive was fear. So much fear. I remembered my prayer and I pleaded with God for my brothers lives. I remember when we got the phone call about Dan and Seth punched the roof of his car. He pulled over and couldn't drive, but our pursuit was back in a few minutes, we were frantic for our brothers. After that the drive was more grief then fear. We got to the hospital and the waiting room was hell. So many people, so many unanswered questions. I remember when the doctors finally came in and told us the boys' injuries. Sam: broken pelvis, torn bladder, and bruised brain. At the time they didn't know he had a torn urethra. Schuyler: ruptured spleen, lacerated kidney and bruised liver, laceration on his left leg. right tibia broken, broken jaw, torn bladder, and broken pelvis. They later found out at Children's that he also had 3 broken ribs. And both had multiple cuts and bruises all over their bodies. I remember when we got to go see them before they went in for their surgeries.. Schuyler was awake and so scared. He thought he was driving the car and that Sam was dead. He couldn't close his mouth because his jaw was broken twice and it was filled with blood. He never wanted to know about himself, he just jept asking about Sam. It's strange that in times of affliction something beautiful comes out in every man and women. We stop our lives and our selfishness and our only thoughts and prayers are for others. That is the way I think God intended life. To be all about Him and everyone else, never dwelling on ourselves. Sam was unconscious when I saw him. But I remember he looked so little. :) So young and fragile. When we were at Children's Schuyler always looked like a man in a little kids bed. He looked so big and like he didn't belong. But Sam he always looked little and young. Like he still needed his mom. Like he should still be at home playing in the dirt, not going to open gyms and getting in car wrecks. I'm sure the Robinson's have felt these same things about Dan. About why they let him go? Why him? No one knows why, but again we will glorify God in this storm. And that's the last thing I remember about that night. The storm. It rained on Dan's birthday last week. How befitting.
So I guess that brings me full circle to this night. Nothing significant happened. No one else got in a wreck. It just rained and God showed off his fireworks. Dan was so special to all of us, but this isn't some kind of cheesy tribute to him. Dan is in a better place then this! But I write this to Jesus.. We want to glorify Your name by this life we live. Sorry that we have forgotten You. We pray and want our eyes to be opened. Teach us to live according to Your word. And with Your help we will praise you in this storm! :)
God bless.
~Sarah